ALL  IN  THE 
SAME  BOAT 


Tames  Mont gomeiT- Flagg 


Life  Publishing 


Co. 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2017  with  funding  from 
Getty  Research  Institute 


https://archive.org/details/allinsameboatOOflag 


AU  in  the  Same  Boat 


By  the  same  author  and  in  uniform  size  and  binding 


Tomfoolery 


IF 


»♦ 


A Guide  to  Bad  Manners 


Why  They  Married 


75  Cents  Each 


AU  in  the  Same  Boat 


Text  and  Illustrations 
By 

JAMES  MONTGOMERY  FLAGG 


NEW  YORK 

LIFE  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


Cop})right  1908  bv 

LIFE  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


British  Copyright  Secured 


All  Rights  Reserved 


DEDICATED 

TO 

MY  WIFE 


Dent 

io  write  /” 


ALL  ABOARD! 


The  smart  and  the  stupid. 

With  Cap’n  Dan  Cupid, 

Are  huddled  together  afloat; 

Tho*  some  travel  steerage. 
While  others  go  sneerage. 
We’re  all  of  us  in  the  Same  Boat! 


The  Captain 

The  captain  speaks  impressively  when  giving  interviews 
To  reporters  who  come  swarming  on  the  ship, 

And  says  altho’  he’s  been  at  sea  for  many  many  ye'rs 

He’s  really  never  seen  a | \ trip! 

13 


The  Cabin  Steward 


The  cabin  steward  is  the  chap  who  brings  you  water  hot 
And  smiling  says,  "‘It  is  a lovely  day!” 

And  then  the  dear  Atlantic  hits  your  porthole  with  a swat— 
We  cannot  print  the  things  you  try  to  say! 


15 


V 


These  Married  People! 

Wifie  came  down  to  bid  hubby  good-bye 
And  they  wept  as  they  parted  that  day ; 

But  hubby  cheered  up  when  the  steamer  pulled  out — 
Maybe  wifie  did  too — who  can  say? 


17 


Nationality,  Please? 

The  Paris  breakfast  seemed  to  him  a cheap  and  measley  thing, 
Another  of  those  European  fakes — 

He  has  to  have  his  steak  and  chops,  his  bacon,  fish  and  eggs, 
And  then  it  isn’t  real  without  the  cakes! 


19 


Sump’n  or  Other 

Here’s  the  celebrity — what  has  he  done? 

It  must  be  a boon  to  mankind. 

Well,  he  either  invented  the  oysterless  stew, 
Or  he’s  been  farthest  north,  in  his  mind! 


21 


9 


Ver’  Ruffsh  Pashage! 

Mr.  Gieshiebler’s  not  an  A.  B-;, 

So  a smoking-  room  sofa  he  collars, 

And  when  he  comes  to  at  the  end  of  the  week 
His  bar  bill  is  $800. 


23 


One  on  Every  Ship 

Here’s  Lily,  a thirty-year-old  ingenue, 

To  moth-eaten  bromides  she  clings; 

She  looks  at  the  steerage  and  then  says  to  you 
“They  hardly  look  human,  poor  things.” 


25 


Poor  Claribel! 


Claribel  Cuddle  is  always  alone, 

Always  alone  on  the  decks, 

Always  alone  in  dark  corners,  poor  girl — 
With  one  of  the  impudent  sex ! 


27 


t 


You  Bet 

This  is  the  gambler — you  have  been  warned — 
He  wins  his  fare  over  (and  wines)  ; 

He  can  always  find  someone  to  sit  in  a game 
Who  doesn’t  believe  in  those  signs. 


O Layer-cake! 

Anita  Marshmallow  may  always  be  found 
Sitting  up  near  the  bow  eating  candy 
With  four  sons  of  Eli  she  sings  “Boola  Boo”; 
“Don’t  you  think  Jack  Barrymore’s  dandy!” 


33 


Junk 

This  is  a portrait  of  Souvenir  Sue 
Who  whether  in  Brooklyn  or  Rome 
Must  always  find  something  to  break  off  and  snatch 
To  label  and  carry  back  home! 

35 


Not  Becoming 

Hattie  goes  hatless  and  lets  her  hair  blow 
So  her  curls  will  all  float  out  of  place. 

It  would  look  mighty  fetching  and  coy,  doncher  know, 
If  she  had  the  right  kind  of  a face! 

37 


I 


Did  You  Ever  Cross  with  Him? 

Mr.  Buzz  spouts  about  Thibet  and  Greece, 
Petersburg,  Stockholm — creation ; 

He  sounds  like  the  man  who  calls  out  the  trains 
Down  at  the  Grand  General  Station. 

39 


Europe?  Tut! 

Perhaps  you  know  this  one — old  ‘‘Europe-be-darned,” 
If  you  mention  some  building  or  view, 

He’ll  say,  “We’ve  got  sump’n  ’ll  beat  that  a mile 
Right  out  in  old  Kalamazoo !” 


41 


Takes  Her  Pen  in  Hand 

This  woman  writes  letters  from  morning  till  night ; 

Every  minute  she  scribbles  away. 

You  know  very  well  from  the  looks  of  her  face 
She  couldn’t  have  that  much  to  say! 


43 


V 


vM.  J 


Forty  Times  Before  Breakfast 

This  nuisance  walks  around  the  decks 
And  tells  you  all  about  it, 

If  he  fell  off  perhaps  I’d  yell 
“Man  overboard!” — I doubt  it! 


45 


Bezique 


Says  Mrs.  Smart:  “ril  just  declare  my  string  of  amber  beads, 
I won’t  declare  my  English  baby  carriage !” 

“And  I,”  said  Bessie  Billion,  who  had  snaked  a foreign  prince, 
“I  think  I’ll  just  declare  a ‘Royal  Marriage !’  ” 


47 


L 


The  Grouchy  Swell 


This  beautiful  person  won’t  speak  to  a soul; 

He  has  a dull  week  on  the  water ; 

His  people,  you  see,  had  bought  Standard  Oil 
When  the  shares  sold  at  two  for  a quarter! 


49 


1, 


) 


Altogether  too  Happy 

Lolla  is  having  the  time  of  her  life; 

She  chortles  from  early  till  late; 

Every  second  is  teeming  with  screaming  delight, 
We  wish  there  was  something  she’d  hate! 

51 


The  Titled  Person 

We  bump  against  him  just  by  chance 
His  notice  our  reward; 

He’s  sour,  old,  of  ill-repute — 

But  also  he’s  a lord ! 


53 


Willing  and  Anxious 

Almarine  Gurgle  flutters  around 
With  music  tucked  under  her  wing; 

Her  eyes  are  imploring  and  seem  to  cry  out, 
“Go  ahead,  Bill,  and  ask  me  to  sing!” 

55 


The  Man  Who  Won  the  Pool 

Have  a drink  with  the  winner  or  have  a cigar ! 

Let  every  dog  have  his  day — 

You’ll  win  the  pool  on  the  morrow,  perhaps, 
But  he  is  the  hero  today! 

57 


I 


They  All  Talk  That  Way 

“The  trip  is  so  restful,  I love  these  slow  boats !” 
Says  Mrs.  Alonzo  G.  Honks, 

But  if  ’twere  a question  of  fast  boats  or  none — 
She’d  have  to  say  home  in  the  Bronx! 


59 


The  Chairman  of  the  Concert 

This  pompous  bromidium’s  chairman  to-night, 

He  prates  of  “hands  over  the  brine” ; 

“Blood’s  thicker  than  seltzer,”  and  so  is  his  head; 
I’m  glad  he’s  no  cousin  of  mine! 

61 


Graeco-Roman 

The  Tonneaus  are  mighty  fine  people,  my  boy, 

They  have  six  “Mercymes”  in  the  hold. 

They’re  warmer  than  most  of  your  gasolene  swells; 
They  each  ride  in  two  cars.  I’m  told! 


63 


A Hair’s-Breadth  Escape 

■ / 

There’s  something  familiar  about  him; 

You’ve  met  him,  you  think:  “Shall  I speak? 
Was  it  Newport  or  Hot  Springs — Good  heavens! 
He  marcels  my  hair  twice  a week !” 


65 


The  Cheerful  One 

He  sees  you  are  dozing,  he  knows  you  are  ill ; 

But  he  will  sidle  up  just  to  say, 

As  he  crowds  his  gay  person  on  half  of  your  chair, 
“Well,  how’s  the  boy  feeling  to-day?” 


67 


Different 


Mme.  Shubrich’s  very  fine 
In  Niebelungen  Ring, 

But  when  you  see  her  off  the  stage 
You  think,  “For  God’s  sake,  sing!” 


69 


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1 


Dear  Old  Grandma 


Grandma’s  almost  ninety,  but  she’s  sporty  just  the  same, 
Tho’  she  wears  those  funny  lady-finger  curls, 

She  can  climb  an  Alpine  mountain  or  enjoy  a “quiet  game,” 
Just  exactly  like  the  other  high-school  girls! 


• 1 


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Too  Generous 

Miss  Inkwell  invested  in  culture  this  June, 
The  outlay  was  three  hundred  dollars, 
She  dishes  up  Europe  three  times  a day — 
She  ought  to  save  some  for  her  scholars ! 


77 


Not  an  Idle  Person 


Mr.  Peacock  has  thirty-one  trunks, 

Just  think  of  the  duds  he  has  brought ! 

His  socks  match  his  ties  and  his  rugs  match  his  suits — 
His  life  is  one  beautiful  thought ! 


Sweet  Little  Things 

Miss  Fattenforty  loves  to  watch 
The  Porpoises  a-sunning, 

She  thinks  they’re  just  as  cute  as  cute, 
And  likewise  awful  cunning! 


81 


V 


What  Is  He? 

He  takes  a bit  of  bloater,  a cup  of  tea,  and  toast; 

He  cannot  go  those  feahful  Yankee  messes. 

He  calls  his  ma  ‘The  Mater,”  “His  People”  mean  his  folks, 
He  says  that  he  “expects”  when  he  means  “guesses” ! 


83 


Circumstances  Alter  Laces 

Marie  Meringue  is  a bit  overdressed 
For  a gyerl  of  her  station  and  age, 

While  this  statement  is  true  as  you  see  her  on  board, 
It’s  utterly  false  on  the  stage ! 


Probably  Some  Old  Tramp  Steamer,  Too! 

There’s  always  the  bore  with  the  glasses 
When  you’re  trying  to  rest  on  your  trip, 

Who  insists  on  your  seeing  the  steamer 
On  the  opposite  side  of  the  ship! 


87 


On  a Liberal  Allowance 

His  “Governor”  sent  him  abroad  for  his  “vac”; 

He  thought  he  should  see  other  races — 

So  the  kid  saw  the  “Derby,”  the  “Grand  Prix”  and  such 
And,  in  fact,  only  hit  the  high  places ! 


89 


Sufficiency 

Gertrude  Gilhooly  just  hopes  it  will  storm, 
She  adores  the  sea  angry  and  rough; 

When  a wave  gives  this  lady  a slap  on  the  ear 
We  timid  ones  cry,  “Good  enough !” 


91 


One  can  always  rely  on  that  chap  Mr.  Butts, 

His  knowledge  is  quite  mastodonic 
If  he  blandly  asserts  “that’s  the  Doitchland  off  there 
You  may  know  it’s  the  “S.S.  Bubonic!” 


93 


Entertaining 

It’s  generally  rough  when  the  concert  comes  off ; 

We’re  most  of  us  quaky  and  fearful. 

This  guy  sings  a song  about  “Fire  at  Sea,” 

Or  something  else  equally  cheerful ! 


95 


1 


I 


By  Special  Request 

Mr.  Vestpantski  enchoys  all  his  meals; 

He’s  lout  in  his  braise  of  der  line; 

They  hat  yom-kippered  herring  for  preakfast,  for  him 
“They  soitenly  do  treat  yer  fine !” 


97 


Recovered 


There’s  always  the  person  who’s  hit  by  a wave, 
Then  finds  that  he’s  minus  his  trunk; 

He’s  obliged  for  a loan  and  sc  isn’t  obliged 
To  spend  the  whole  week  in  his  bunk! 


The  Formula 

This  is  the  cynical  man  of  the  world, 

Whose  lip  is  marcelled  with  a sneer, 

His  pose  is  extolling  the  things  you  dislike 
And  scoffing  at  things  you  revere ! 


101 


1 


There’s  always  one  girl  with  an  outline  on  board, 
A monotony  killer,  I mean. 

The  sort  all  the  men  say  is  “perfectly  good,” 

And  the  women  all  sniff  “Actorine!” 


103 


I 

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'*1 

I 


If  So,  Beg  Pardon 

Here  is  a colorless,  meaningless  chap; 

He  is  simply  a blot  on  the  view; 

He’s  a zero,  a hyphen,  a space  that  is  filled — 
Great  Scott ! Now  don’t  tell  me  it’s  you  ! 


105 


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